A LOOSE TONGUE

Proverbs 10.14, 19
A LOOSE TONGUE
"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." (10.19)

TALKING IS A UNIVERSAL OBSESSION. There are probably more proverbs and sayings about words than about any other subject except love. Mankind has talked and listened enough to know one thing: the more the talk, the less its value. So Solomon warns against the prattling of many words. A loose tongue is often disconnected from the mind. It utters what the mind has not processed. Like a car with some part loose, it makes a lot of noise.

Other pictures of the talkative person are as unflattering. He is called a windbag, full of wind and fury but achieving nothing. The most vivid picture must be that of a person who cannot control his bowels but lets it all out in "verbal diarrhoea." "The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil" (15.28). The effects are as dramatic as they are unpleasant.

Careless talk leads to sin: gossip, rumour-mongering, lies, false promises; the list is as endless as the words. We are more often sorry for what we have said than for what we have not said. So an Italian proverb goes, "From listening comes wisdom, and from speaking repentance." The Stoic philosopher Seneca confesses, "When I think over what I have said, I envy dumb people."

We should have learnt from the obvious fact of our human anatomy. "Nature, which gave us two eyes to see, and two ears to hear, has given us but one tongue to speak," states Jonathan Swift. Hence, wise men store up knowledge (10.14). They see more than they talk, and listen more than they speak. Their words are incubated within their minds and hatched only when the time has come, not before.

Perhaps a few practical pointers may help us if we are prone to talk too much. Firstly, ask more questions than give answers. As a good rule, no answer given should be much longer than the question. If the person is interested in hearing more, he will ask another question. Always try to end your answer with a question. That gives the other person a chance to speak since your turn is over for the time being.

Secondly, speak more of the other person than of yourself. We talk most when we talk about ourselves. Intersperse your conversation with "Now, what about yourself?" and watch the tide of the conversation turn. Finally, think twice before giving advice, recounting your past, and airing personal grouses. They nearly always take up more time than people care to hear.

Is my tongue too loose?