THE DURABILITY OF FRIENDSHIP

Proverbs 17.17
THE DURABILITY OF FRIENDSHIP
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." (v17)

THE VERSE CAN BE RENDERED IN several ways, depending on whether we take the conjunction as 'and' or 'but', both of which are permissible. In the former, a brother is born to help us through adversity. In the latter, a brother is born to give us adversity! Those who have gone through the growing-up pains of sibling rivalry may feel the latter is closer to the truth. Indeed, Solomon apparently drops a hint when he says, "Better a neighbour nearby than a brother far away" (27.10).

Some translators omit the conjunction altogether and render the verse as "A friend who loves at all time is a brother born for adversity." Of the three readings, the first seems the most natural translation. Regardless of how the verse is translated, its essence is the value of friendship in difficult times. Unless we are friends in adversity, we are not friends at all.

Aristotle said, "A friend is one soul in two bodies. Yet friendship implies few friends rather than many; he who has many friends has no friend; and to be a friend to many people in the way of perfect friendship is impossible. Fine friendship requires duration rather than fitful intensity."

In other words, friendship must be durable. It must last through time and adversity. Already, Solomon has warned against false friends, those who flock to us for what we can give them (14.20). A true friend and brother sticks with us even when we have nothing to give to him. All the elements of such friendship and brotherhood are found in the example of Joseph. He was truly born for adversity, for he stuck with his brothers, forgave them and saved them from the famine, though they once tried to kill him (Gen 45.4-7).

Friendship is tested by time. Like wine and violins, the value of a friend appreciates with age. But it does not happen without effort. Some of us lose our friends by sheer neglect. We overlook simple things like a phone call, a simple card, or a reply to an email. All these take but brief moments, but they are investments for richer and fuller friendship.

The one Friend whose friendship we do well to cultivate is our Lord Jesus. Of Him, it is said, "Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end" (John 13.1). He called His disciples friends even though He knew they would soon deny and forsake Him (John 15.14-15). He is not ashamed to call us His brothers (Heb 2.11). He is the True Friend and Brother, born for our salvation and loving us to the very end.

What kind of a friend am I?