THE FORTIFICATION OF THE OFFENDED

Proverbs 18.19
THE FORTIFICATION OF THE OFFENDED
"An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel."

THE CLOSER A PERSON IS TO US, THE more likely we are to take him for granted. We assume that since we know him well, we may take more liberties with him. This may be true only to a certain extent. But it can be an assumption that erodes the closest of relationships.

Note the reference here is to an offended brother. Family ties are the nearest and the dearest. As such, it is especially painful and regretful when they are strained. Few things are more tragic than brothers and sisters who do not speak to one another, though they live under the same roof, and share the same flesh and blood.

What is true of the human family is true also of God's family. Simply because we are brothers and sisters in the Lord does not give us the right to treat one another with presumption. It is wrong to think that because we are one in Christ, that bond can stand any strain we put on it. The truth is: the closer we are, the more sensitive and fragile the bond. We are hurt most by those closest to us.

Conflict within the family circle should be resolved with the utmost effort and speed. As Solomon warns us, "Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out" (17.14). A leak is easy to repair, but when it becomes a flood, it is too late. Or to use the analogy here, we do well to enter the city when the gates are still open. When the offended brother erects the iron bars, an army that can storm a fortress cannot win the heart.

The forces at work in the heart of an offended brother are too complex to understand. For him, there is the breakdown of trust and respect, embarrassment, hurt pride, anger, vengeance, pain, despair, unforgive-ness, doubt, and regret. It is likely that he does not know what to do. Even if he does, some of these strong emotions will tear at him so that he feels he is neither here nor there. To be safe, he shuts himself out from the world. He becomes a one-man castle.

No wonder Jesus makes such a strong point of promptness when he speaks of a relationship in danger of estrangement. When we are offering a gift to God, and suddenly remember an offended brother, what are we to do? "First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift" (Matt 5.23-24). Go to his home before it turns into a fortress.

Is there an offended brother or sister I need to speak to today?